As a theology student and every-day Christian, I very much enjoyed this article; it was well written and informative.

Thank you for taking the time to write and share your experiences. For what it is worth, my heart goes out to you.

You will have to await the Day, when He will dry every tear, forgive every sin and resurrect you to life and joy everlasting for the pain you feel today to be completely renewed. But the good news, is that just like physical pain caused by old wounds, your emotional pain can be healed, albeit with scars.

“The Lord’s loving-kindesses never cease, indeed His compassions never fail - they spring new every morning.”

Sadly, the church is composed of imperfect, only partially sanctified men and women. We are often not what we are called to be; we fail one another every day in thought, word and deed. But it is the grace of God and His providence that He chose the weak, the ignoble and the foolish to manifest His loving compassion.

“For I know the plans I have for you, ‘declares the Lord,’ “plans for welfare and not for calamity, but to give you a future and a hope.”

While I cannot hope to do more than offer a few platitudes in an email, let me try to encourage you to remember the providence of God. Since Adam sinned, there has been sin and death and corruption in the world. Really bad things happen; yet, in His grace He forgives us, redeems us and promises to resurrect us to life everlasting. Your life is not just what happened to you in the past - it will be with Him, forever. The pain you feel today will one day be forgotten, and you will have an eternity of fellowship with Him one day.

Therefore, do not let the past destroy or control you - what has happened, has happened. But how you respond to what will happen today, and tomorrow, and the rest of your life is given by God into your hand. You can remain a victim of the sins committed against you and allow them to control you, or you can trust in the providence of God, rest in His love and grace, and grow in holiness. And you do this, every day, by following the example of the Apostle Paul, “Forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus…”

This is not easy medicine; I know of no panacea that will immediately take away all the pain from old wounds. Sometimes, as mentioned above, there will be scars that will never quite fade away. But trusting in the providence of God, depending upon His grace and then, doing what is right, because it is RIGHT will focus your attention on the present, and the future - and eventually, day, by day, the past will fade away.

Remember, who YOU are as a person today, need NOT be determined by what happened to you as a child. God has given you in His holy scriptures a clear description of the kind of person He wants you to be, and has provided you with His own Holy Spirit to lead, guide and empower you to become that kind of person. You have to trust in His love and provision, and learn how to become that person.

May I suggest, write out a list; fifty ways I fail God and His people.

Then, go through the list, specifically repenting on each violation of His Moral Law.

Then, create a plan on how His Word provides for becoming the kind of person who meets their duty to God and His brother.

Then, prepare to fail again, to be forgiven and to start all over again tomorrow.

Does it seem unkind that I am placing the responsibility on YOU? Well, you cannot control what other people do. You cannot make other people like you, support you, encourage you or stand beside you. Those things are just not in your power. So if you are waiting for other people to change, then you remain a victim and helpless.

But, if you look at what God is doing in YOUR life, and through YOUR life and take personal responsibility to become the person He wants you to be, then you CAN do something. You are not a victim any more. And when you discover that you are not a victim, the pain has less and less power over you. You can have peace. And if you focus on obeying God in your thoughts, words and deeds, you begin to become the kind of person that others want to be around, to have as a friend, to depend on. And as time goes on, your pain will become less, and your positive relationships with others will grow.

It is not an easy road I am pointing out to you; godliness takes discipline. Like losing weight, or finishing college, or keeping a decent job, it takes work, sacrifice and commitment. But God has given you everything you need to become the person He wants you to be. The trials and difficulties of your past, can become the source of strength for the person you are becoming. You know the depravity of human sin; but in His grace, you survived. Now, you need to let the Great Physician heal you - and use you to heal others who have suffered in the same way.

And the healing begins when you accept the providence of God. It certainly sounds as if He has given you some heavy burdens to bear - but He also promises special blessings to those who have suffered. You can learn, you can grow and you can become a more powerful warrior for His kingdom if you learn how to handle these things in His way.

I wish I could be of more practical help; you, like all of us, need to belong to a solid church where you will be taught and encouraged in how to live a life glorifying to His name.

You are in my prayers.

Lord bless

Pastor Brian

Thanks for posting this! Very valuable! (as I said in my previously deleted post)

What strikes me as a big problem with their thinking is that it seems to either exclude those of mixed nationality from being Christians or restricts them to finding those of identical racial mixture to marry. What would they have my children who are half Japanese and a blend of several European nationalities do? The absurdity is apparent.

But mine is a practical argument. The more compelling is the biblical one.